Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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