then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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