The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
