That's when you crack a 10am beer
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
