And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
