I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
