I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
