Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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