Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
