he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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