I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
