Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
