she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We need a shit load of segways right now
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
