is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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