dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
