Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He kissed a someone with a penis
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
