WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
