The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
