so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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