Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
