No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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