You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
