IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
