They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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