haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just gargled with NyQuil
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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