Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain