Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face