Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.