YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.