Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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