She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
