This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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