honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
