i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
