if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
