I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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