drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
