I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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