My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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