i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You took a bar mat shot.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
