this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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