i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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