I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
