Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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