Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
