So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize