you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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