Yo dont text me then not text me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
