yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
