if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
