Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
