He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
