Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
