piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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