You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
