Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
