Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
