I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
