reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
