Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
