I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize